What a doubly sad evening (#firstworldproblems).

Here's the first part of my sad evening...

We have pizza for supper. I get four cans of pop – one for each of my children, one for me, and one for my father. The boys drinks theirs (Cokes) and I put the other two in the fridge (Coke Zero). 

All night long, working like a dog, I am looking forward to my Coke Zero. My thirst, fueled by too salty pizza, I am looking forward to my cool, refreshing, zingy Coke Zero. Then, I go to the fridge to  get it and it’s not there.

My two children have consumed the two remaining pop. None for me. None for grandpa.

Here's the second part of my sad evening...

Upon discovering the theft, I announce that I am writing a parenting book. The tentative title is, “Shut your festering gobs and go to bed you little swines.” They feigned anger. I sent them to bed to cry their little eyes out. But, their mother does not approve of the book title.

OK... this blog entry is a little self-indulgent but I am really thirsty and I'm not thinking clearly. Where did I store the Crystal Lite?

They just don't make cool like the used to...

I may be forced to buy a new hat. And suit. And briefcase. And attitude. And... forget it. It's too late for me. They just don't make cool like they used to.

In life, you only have one chance to get it right

Sometimes in life we find ourselves at a crossroads. A defining moment. There is only one real choice to make. Courageous people make it; cowards don't. Courageous conquer; cowards lose.

      

Jaleel White got punted from Dancing with the Stars last night. What a loser. What a ****** loser. He is in a dance to the death and he doesn’t do the Urkel!?!?! It was his ONLY move and he didn’t bust it out?!?!? Damn. Jaleel, wft? You found yourself at a crossroads and you didn't have the guts to bust out the Urkel. Sad. So, so sad.

For the Urkel, CLICK HERE.

That’s like A-Ha doing a concert and refusing to play, “Take on Me.”

How Iconic is Tim Horton's?

This weekend I drove to Toronto … twice, sort of. My first attempt was Friday morning but at Ganonoque, the 401 was closed because of an accent that was 15 hours previous. I couldn’t find very much – six vehicles, no fatalities, but a toxic spill of some kind. After sitting on the 401 for 2.5 hours, and then finally getting onto a side road which was also closed, I gave up and went home. Sigh… 5.5 hours in the car only to wind up exactly where I started.

Here is a picture as I headed home... you can see the parking lot that is the westbound lane.

 

On Saturday I drove to Toronto, without problem. But, I learned something interesting (I think) about Tibetans and Canadians. I stopped at an OnRoute. Big roadside stops that have a gas station and a food mini food court. There is always a Tim Horton’s. There were two buses stopped when I arrived carrying Tibetans. The Dalai Lama was around Ontario this weekend and, thus, between that fact and their dress, 

I concluded that the majority, at least were, Tibetans. And they were ALL in line at Tim Horton’s. There was no lineup at A & W or Pizza Pizza. Not a single person. But, there were 80 people in line at Tim Horton’s. Amazing. My guess is twofold: (1) Tibetan’s love coffee; and (2) Tibetan’s view Canada as the quintessential Canadian experience. I suppose it could have been the donuts. Maybe Tibetans love donuts?

I did not see the Dalai Lama. Maybe he hates coffee? Waited in the bus?

I got my coffee at the gas bar and carried on.

Today I start the 100 pushup challenge. http://hundredpushups.com/index.html

It’s a six week program. I will be starting at week three because my initial test number was 32 pushups.

Men are jealous; women are stupified.

 I finally have my own pegboard for tools! 

 

We combined three household when we moved from Saskatoon to Ottawa. First, our house – mine and Heather’s. When it comes to tools, I was never very organized. I always dreamed of having a beautiful peg board with all my tools on display but I never got around to making one. Thus, often, when looking for a tool – a hammer, say – I would simply give up and buy a new one.

My father’s had a peg board. But, he also had a lot of tools. This is for two reasons: (1) His house had combined his previous house with his parents’ and their tools; and (2) He likes tools and buys new ones just in case. In the centre of this photo you can see two screwdriver type deals that have never been opened. He bought them just in case.

So, finally, I have my own pegboard. And, we have a VERY well equipped workroom even though I never really do anything important. 

But now we get to the sad part. We have too many tools. WAY too many. Yesterday, I inventoried my hammers. I made a count. I am the proud owner of 20 hammers. I am not kidding. There are six in the picture. There are another 16 a drawer nearby. And, I am pretty sure there is at least on more in the garage. Blackjack! I have 21 hammers. Most are ordinary hammers but there is a rock hammer, three ball been, and some teeny-tiny hammers too. I own 20 hammers. 

Don’t get me started on screwdrivers. Did my dad ever get rid of anything? Did his dad? I have screwdriver that look like there date back to Neanderthal.

Thus, for the foreseeable future, visitors to our house will be sent away with a souvenir tool of their visit. Maybe a hammer. But, I also have too many clamps, wrenches, nippers, tin snips, screwdrivers of all manner, tiny screwdrivers, and really tiny screwdrivers.

Where does one donate tools?

Creative Household Accounting

I am taking over the family fiscal management.

 My lovely wife Heather has done the micro-management of our money in the past. That is, I take care of retirement saving and the big picture, Heather takes care of paying the bills and managing our monthly expenditures. In other words, I tell Heather about stuff that she doesn’t understand at all (RRSPs, RESPs, etc) and she tells me that I eat at McDonalds too often. Since moving to Ottawa, though, everything has gone to hell. We have been spending like twice-drunken sailors. Between renovations, travel, and general disregard for our personal safety… we are spending too much. Not to mention that we have now been a one-income family for a year and my previous income was pretty reasonable. So, there’s a new sheriff in town. Heather has put me in charge of the money.

My first step, examine every expense over the past three months and create a budget. This sounds simple enough but the key is that one must be completely honest. For many years the advice that I gave many would-be pro poker players was: “Write down every single win and every single loss. Every… single… one. If you are completely honest with yourself you will either get better at the game – becoming a winner – or you will quit the game.” 

Similarly, whenever I want to lose a few pounds I write down everything I eat. Every… single… thing. Record the calories. I do not subscribe to any particular diet. I pay no attention to nutrition. I simply count calories. And, when I do this, I quickly question everything I eat. Do I really need another Jersey Milk? And, I lose weight.

Thus, it’s time to start categorizing expenditures. What goes where? I mean, I have to be honest but Heather doesn’t need to know EVERYTHING. Thanks to my Facebook friends, many good ideas have developed:

Business                              Category

McDonalds                          Pre-cooked groceries. Or, Automotive if it was drive through.

Subway                                Transport

Manchu Wok                       Travel

Burger King                         Support of the monarchy (Heather loves the monarchy)

Skyrim                                 Educational Software

iTunes                                  Arts and Culture

Tim Hortons                        Charitable donation to the third world (Coffee sales)

Toyota                                  Earthquake relief

IKEA                                   Construction

LCBO                                  Fruits and Veg (I consume my grapes in liquid form)

If you were 16, male, and had unlimited money...

 When I was sixteen Kent Hurlburt had the coolest car of everyone. We were young. We were male. And, we liked our pimped out cars. Yes, Kent had a white Smokey and the Bandit Trans-Am with a blue eagle covering the whole giant hood which was giant because it had to cover the huge engine. And a mother of a sound system – 8-track. It was awesome.

I remember Kent doing a squealing, tire spinning start from the 4-way stop at Cumberland and Main. There was smoke and black rubber on the pavement all the way across the intersection. The police were right behind us. When pulled over Kent stopped Trooper Boys in the Bright White Sports Car and said, “I am sorry officer. My foot slipped off the clutch and that’s what happened. I didn’t for that to happen.” The cop let him go mostly, I think, because he couldn’t believe the audacity of a 17-year-old punk kid to tell such a bald faced lie.

So… what if you were a teenager with unlimited funds? What kind of car would you get then?

 I want a car with a freakin’ wicked grill. And fat tires.  And I don’t want just a little bit of chrome; I want the whole freakin’ car to be chrome. Everything! And I want a cool sound system. And I want… what else? Oh! I know! I want wicked cool purple light all underneath the car so it’s like I am a floating, freaking purple hovercraft. Except that it’s not a hovercraft ‘cause you can hear the engine blocks away because even though the car cost $100K I still punched holes in the muffler to sound louder. Yeah… if I was a teenager with unlimited funds THAT’s the car I would have.

You would be Justin Bieber. That’s his new car.

So I guess we can conclude that Bieber isn't going to take the Tom Hanks path of celebrity subtelty.  

Photos from TMZ.com

A Saskatoon/Ottawa cultural difference – beer at lunch.

Since moving from Saskatoon to the National Capital Region I have noticed lots of small cultural differences. A lot more than I expected, actually. Prairie folks and Ottawans are more the same than different but there are subtle and interesting differences.

Like, beer.

Growing up my father came home for lunch most days and he always had a bottle of beer with his lunch. I never thought anything of it. Nobody did. It was the time. It’s what was done. When I entered adulthood, my generation did not do this. In fact, in eighteen years of working at Rawlco Radio the only time that anyone had a beer with lunch was once per year at Christmas time during the department heads lunch. Once per year, that was it. I am sure that there are people who have a beer at lunch but it’s not many. And, culturally, you do not want your boss to see you having a beer at lunch. If you are busted having a beer, you better have an excuse like, “The client was having a beer so I decided to put him at ease.”

Not so in Ottawa. At least, not where I live in Kanata.

On the occasions in which I have gone for lunch with my dad in a pub anywhere in the northern part of Kanata, the lunch crowd is made up of a whole bunch of computer nerds and engineers from the high tech industry – Silicone Valley North. And, almost every one of them has a beer. There is no problem having a beer with lunch here. None at all. I suspect that the culture here is, “Do not have two beer.” I note this because on a couple of occasions I have seen one member of a lunch party linger behind and have a second beer – out of sight of his or her colleagues.

Maybe Nortel wouldn’t have gone under if everyone wasn’t drunk in the afternoon.